Find Meaning or Make Meaning?

I've been traveling a lot recently, working with a range of people up and down Australia's east coast, here in Perth, in WA's North West, and in South East Asia and have been involved in some great conversations about emotions, life's unexpected kicks and twists, incivility and conflict, morale and motivation, good bosses, bad bosses and jerks at work... in these conversations, I've been asked a number of times, 'How do you find meaning in work when X happens?' 

In this question X can be any number of things - from being restructured again...and yet again; no-one appreciates what you do; your boss /coworkers / colleagues don't care or treat you badly; you are only going to have to do the same routine, boring stuff over and over again; when your marriage falls apart; people let you down; your company is taken over; bad people get promotions and good people get exploited abused etc...

I wish I had an easy answer to this. I don't... though I do have a simple one. 

Reading Victor Frankl, Harold Kushner then meeting and working with an emergency aid worker on  a project in the remote North-West where we had time at the end of the day to sit and yarn about life, death and loss... at a time when I was still struggling to come to terms with my 12 year old son's death from leukemia, and my own face-to-face encounter with cervical cancer 12 months later...  I learned to ask myself two questions: 

1. 'What am I making of this?' 
2. 'How's that working for me?'
   

Before I started asking myself these questions, I thought meaning was something in the event itself, something that was outside somewhere, something that had to be found like a nugget of gold... and I'd searched long and hard for it out there, only to find nothing... nada... nix... and I was getting pretty down and very dirty about it! 

Yarning with my aid worker colleague one evening about how African women can possibly survive the death of not just one child, but two, three...ALL their children... it suddenly dawned on me that I was making meaning of my experiences and the meaning I was making was that this was personal... that this was all about me! 

The questions I yelled at the sky some nights (Why me?! Why my son!?! Why us?! Why did this happen to us!?!? What did we do to deserve this!?!) had at their heart a belief that my loss and pain was somehow directed at me.... 

This was the meaning I was making of things. 

And this meaning was making me miserable. Really miserable.

Yarning under the Milky Way with Bernard, I realised that I had been incredibly fortunate, privileged, to have enjoyed my son for 11 years without ever having that enjoyment darkened by the fear, that he would, in all probability, die before me. 

Until his sudden and unexpected diagnosis, I had lived, loved and parented him and our daughter, relaxed in the assumption that he'd outlive me. I had never realised what a rare privilege that assumption was. 

Listening to my aid worker colleague, and realising for the first time, that many, if not the majority, of women on this planet, live, love & parent their children in the full knowledge that they will likely lose them to illness, war or starvation, in childhood or adolescence, shocked me deeply. 

And woke me up to the stunning realisation that my way of thinking, my Why me?, was shockingly arrogant. 

I had, without realising it, turned the personal pain of loss and illness into something that was about me, directed AT me. 

The meaning I'd made was that these events were personal. And this meaning I'd made of things was making it impossible for me to move on.

I started wondering 'Why not me?' and this turned out to be a much more helpful question... it led me to question assumptions that I was somehow above the realities of life on this planet (I'd never realised I'd thought like that, but when I did, I was embarrased at my hubris). 

It led me to a deeper appreciation of all I had, and somehow connected me into the community of women, mothers, parents in the world who shared and understood the pain and loss of a child. It helped me make new meaning, new sense of my experiences... it wasn't about me. It wasn't about us. It wasn't personal. I felt comforted and no longer alone or persecuted.

I could make something of this experience... I could grow from it. 

So now when I'm miserable, or cranky or snarly, I ask myself those two questions: 

1. 'What am I making of this?' 
2. 'How's that working for me?'

More often than not I find that my misery comes from making it all about me... from taking it personally... and realising that leads me to drop that incredibly unhelpful and fundamentally arrogant meaning, and to make something better of the situation... to put it in perspective without dismissing the feelings. In other words I've learned (and continually relearn) that: Just because the feeling IS intensely personal, and real, it doesn't mean that the event is directed at me personally... it doesn't mean IT's personal! 

As leaders in organisations, we influence the meaning people make of things every day, even if we don't realise it. Perhaps we might help if we didn't take things personally or make things personal when they go wrong, get difficult, boring or painful... 'cause, on this planet... they sometimes just do!

How DO You Manage AND Develop Individuals?

Here's the Deal... Are you up for it?

1. Set clear, mutual, expectations

• on roles, goals and standards of and attendance, behaviour & performance 
  
• on what they can – and should - expect from you
  
• make it clear that, while you can and will help, they are responsible for meeting expectations fully and consistently 

2. Check that they're willing to deliver on expectations

• Make it clear they are in the driver’s seat – it’s their choice

3. RESOURCE the expectations

• If you're not willing or able to provide the resources necessary for success, your expectations are unrealistic and you're setting them up to fail
  

HOW CAN I HELP?

3. Create an environment for success: 

• Build transparency, trust, action, accountability & appreciation
• Talk straight, walk your talk & keep your commitments
• Listen, show respect & loyalty - to their faces & behind their backs
• Make decisions based on evidence, ethics & empathy
• Make assessments based on explicit, valid & fair measures
• Tackle unethical, unfair behaviour & poor performance
• Don’t harass, discriminate, bully or victimise

GREAT JOB! THANKS!

4. Work your guts out to make sure they can and want to perform:

• CAN PERFORM 
• Make sure they get what they need, when they need it, so they can do the job right, first time, every time

 instruction, training and coaching
 equipment & materials
 real-time factual feedback/metrics on how they’re doing
 practical help to solve problems, deal with obstacles & interference

• WANT TO PERFORM 
  

 Select carefully & fairly, discipline carefully & fairly 

 Deliver on your end of the deal: keep a public scorecard on YOUR attendance, behaviour & performance as well as theirs

 Get to you know your people: find out 

*what they’re trying to achieve

*what interests & excites them – help them get that

  *what they’re thinking and feeling about work   

 Make sure they get a fair deal & act on the things that drain,  

    frustrate & demotivate them
 Show that you notice, consider & appreciate them & their performance 
• say thanks, nice job, well done, great effort!
• let your bosses know who’s doing a great job
 Find ways to make work & performance rewarding & worth their while

 Make sure rewards & promotions go to real leaders & performers

I'VE GOT A PROBLEM & I NEED YOUR HELP TO SOLVE IT

5. Turn Problems into Action

Coach when people do badly

Hold people to account: by using

• fair, valid and explicit measures
• reminders rather than reprimands
• decision-making leave rather than leave without pay
• courageous action to do right and right wrongs rather than covering your own behind! 

Why don't they do what they're s'posed to do...?

Individuals!

We come in every shape and size; we have our own histories, our own unique mix of family, cultural and generational influences; we like and dislike different things; we have our little quirks and foibles; we're motivated by different things; we each respond to a unique mix of managing & developing.... and your job is to manage AND develop us - whether we like it or not!

That's a tough gig! 

Somehow, though you're no doubt busy and juggling multiple demands from various sources, you need to make time for us. 

We ARE your job - we're not an interruption! We need you to make time for us... talk to us... set clear expectations about our attendance, behaviour and performance - and equally, be clear with us about what we can - and should - expect of you.  Get organised to ensure that we have what we need, when we need it, to do the job right, first time... we'd like you to get to know us...how we tick, what we enjoy and what drains, frustrates, bores, blocks and demotivates us - we'd like you act on that information, and enable us do work we're proud of, work that's appreciated, work that makes a difference, work that's no more difficult or tedious or dangerous than it has to be... that's what will motivate us.

We'd like you, every now and then, to ask us, how you can be a better manager - listen, take some notes, say 'thanks' when we answer (don't argue!!) ...just think about what we say and try to do something - just ONE thing - about it. Then follow up to let us know what you've been doing about it, to find out if you've made a difference.... and to ask if there's anything else you can help with. 

Occasionally, you may need to remind us about what we're expected to do, what we're paid to do, where the boundaries are...  if you've done all the stuff above, we'll take it... just as long as you do it without getting all parental, preachy or teachy.... please! 

If you don't do all this strategically, consistently and well... we lose focus, motivation and commitment, or we start to pick & choose what we do to suit ourselves instead of the business, we feel neglected, or resentful or confused, we develop bad habits, we start to think we're better - or worse - than we are, or we lose trust in you, we... well you know what we do! 

Check out the post on Managing AND Developing Individuals for one model on how to do all this... it's coming in the next few days

(I'd like to acknowledge the influence on my thinking of Eric Berne, Thomas Gordon, Linda Adams, John Powell, Jean Illsley-Clarke & Marshall Goldsmith)

Drunk Dialing

Mobile phone + C2H5OH = Dead Career!

tough day at work...just closed a deal...end of the week

Have a few drinks last night?

Check your mobile: who did you call???

In the past five years I've worked with a surprising number of talented professionals who've blown their careers by dialing drunk: drinking socially or to unwind, then hitting their mobile, deliberately or accidentally, to vent or boast to staff, colleagues - even bosses!

Invective and self-promotion are rarely (if ever!) great ways to build or engage in working relationships... but when you add alcohol to the mix, you reveal more about yourself than you realise: and none of what they see, does you, or the relationship, any good.

If you have a propensity to fuel your mobile with dutch courage, the short-term fix is to give your phone to a trustworthy friend and get them to lock it away until you're stone cold sober. Another option is to switch to a phone provider who allows you to bar calls to specified numbers for fixed periods - before you have a drink, call the provider and bar all work numbers until 6 the next morning. It might be a bit of a hassle, but it can save your career!

The long-term fix is to deal with your alcohol problem, because yes, you DO have one!

Drink & Dial? Save it 'til you're sober!

Dreaming Friday Brainfood (and Fun)

Friday again.... so a little 'food' for the brain and the spirit!


The theme is dreaming...

Honda's Asimo conducting an orchestra...


Speaking of dreams... let me introduce you to one of my heroes, Dr V... At 58 he decided to eradicate needless blindness in India... 

Start with an Outrageous Dream. Ozzie politicians PLEEEEASE note: we really can do health care differently!  PS Grab a coffee - this one's about 30minutes...it starts a tad slow, but is well worth it!

If you'd rather read: check out this article about Dr V as a Leaders : 
The Perfect Vision of Dr. V.

If you've not discovered ABC Australia's wonderful Dust Echoes, make your life better by here (when you get to the site, click anywhere on the image, watch and wonder...) 

Dust Echoes

And finally, some fun dreaming:

Have a great weekend!

Who Learns More When A Fool & Wise Person Meet?

Are you still using Winndoze 95? or OhEss8? 

Do you still use a computer with a 2 Gig hard drive and 128K ram...Are you working with EmEsWurd2000 without virus protection?

No? 

Really!?  Why not?

Ahhh....Because you can't run 21st century programs on outdated platforms...?

Uhhuhhh...

And because there's so many nasty viruses around these days

Uhhuhh... I see... makes sense really...

So...may I ask... 

• how often do you upgrade your mental operating system to prevent the human equivalents of freezing (paralysis by analysis), crashing (dummy-spits, freak-outs) or start-up problems?
• how up-to-date do you keep your anit-virus thinking to protect against nasty workplace viruses like Hubris, Arrogance, Know-It-Allism, Negativity, Cynicism, Apathy, Complacency, High Anxiety, Doom & Gloom? 
• what new software have you 'installed' (by reading, studying, listening, researching, travelling, mixing with new people) to handle the complexity & dynamics of 21st century work?
  

If you're still doing things the way you've always done them, if you're still doing what you've always done... sorry, but your pyramid's going down... because on this planet (as far as I know) there are only two options: decay or growth.

A 21st century model for managing and supervising

You might be interested in our pyramid model of management.  Paddi Brown and I developed this model in the 1990's when we were working together to train and develop managers in a variety of industries, and we found that Adair's widely used 3 circle model didn't capture or address what businesses needed and wanted from managers today. 

This pyramid model

• Identifies five areas of focus & action required of people in positions of supervision or management
  
• Identifies the importance of aligning all activities with business sustainability - this means change is a constant in the model
• Assumes a definition of leading = developing. Our belief is that if you are NOT developing (ie changing things that contribute to and develop sustainable business), you're not leading.
  
• Makes explicit the leaders responsibility for self-management and continuing self-development
  
• Provides an underpinning framework for performance planning and review and for identifying and organising competencies training and development of supervisors and management
• Recognises changes in the demands and nature of work in the 21st century

This version of our model also incorporates 3 core ideas from the Leaderful Organisation®, namely 

1. that leaders must recognise and act on the need to share/distribute leadership 
2. that a core function of leaders is to develop leaders; 
3. that to be sustainable is the core consideration of a strategic approach to competitiveness. If you’re not competitive, you go out of business fast; but if your way of competing is unsustainable (because you use human, natural, tangible and intangible resources faster than you can (re)generate them in ways that produce toxins & waste) you will not remain competitive for long.

The model can be used diagnostically, since there are predictable problems that occur when each 'point' or edge of the pyramid is neglected... so over the next couple of days I'll post some of these symptoms.